Question: Can You Change Your Spouse?
My husband is so harsh. We always fight about things that are not important. What can I do to change his behavior?
Answer: Married people often ask this kind of
question. How can I change my husband or wife? The thing is that you
can't change anyone but yourself. If your spouse is acting in a way that
is unacceptable to you, you must communicate
your feelings to him or her. Set aside time - when you're not in the
middle of an argument - to explain why this behavior is inappropriate
and come up with solutions together.
Remember it takes two to argue, so look in the mirror and be honest
in the part you've played. Take responsibility for your behavior. If you
both do that and then work on changing the things that are causing
problems, you should be able to overcome constant bickering.
For example, you might say, "I feel as though we are arguing to often about silly things, and we overreact to minor issues. I hope we can work together to stop bickering." Then, perhaps, you'll agree to stay calm when one of you leaves the tube off the toothpaste or the empty milk carton in the fridge. Whatever you decide, promise one another to follow through on the resolution at which you've arrived.
Of course, if your husband or wife is verbally abusive (as indicated above) and the behavior doesn't change, you should consider counseling. If there is still no change, you may have to cut your losses and end the marriage. (Certainly, if you ever feel physically threatened by your husband or wife, you should seek professional help immediately.)
In the end, you must learn to accept - and love - your spouse as he or she is. Work on changing yourself or your situation and not other people.
For example, you might say, "I feel as though we are arguing to often about silly things, and we overreact to minor issues. I hope we can work together to stop bickering." Then, perhaps, you'll agree to stay calm when one of you leaves the tube off the toothpaste or the empty milk carton in the fridge. Whatever you decide, promise one another to follow through on the resolution at which you've arrived.
Of course, if your husband or wife is verbally abusive (as indicated above) and the behavior doesn't change, you should consider counseling. If there is still no change, you may have to cut your losses and end the marriage. (Certainly, if you ever feel physically threatened by your husband or wife, you should seek professional help immediately.)
In the end, you must learn to accept - and love - your spouse as he or she is. Work on changing yourself or your situation and not other people.
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